Searching for longing

When I was growing up, I spent most of my life away from a a person that I loved very much. Let me explain. When I was one year old, my parents got a divorce and my mother and I moved to Madrid, Spain for 10 years.

My life was always split in half. When I was in Madrid, I was away from 80% of my family. When I was in Miami, I was away from the people that made up my everyday life. I think, that for this reason I created an unconscious mechanism that impedes me from missing or longing for people. In general, wherever I am is where my life is.

I have always known about this aspect of my personality, although I believes that it only applied when I was away for long period of time spanning months. I have come to realize of late that it is something that applies to all moments in my life: I don´t miss people.

It is easy to assume that because i don´t miss people I may not love or care about them. That would be a misconception. I love the people in my life very much, think of them often and take the things that they have taught me and apply them in my daily life no matter where I am, but I don´t long for them.

There is the odd moment where I will be down and need one person for one quality they possess or another. I long for my mother because she always makes me feel like there is no problem. My dad because he heslps my analytical mind. My grandfather for his firmness. My Godfather for his ass-kicking abilities... each person in my life pushes me in one direction in my life and it is the relationship that is lacking for me at times.

But this week at Pueblo Ingles I have come to the conclusion that my inability for longing is actually one component of a larger quality that I possess: the ability to instantly adapt to my present situation. I could probably move to Pueblo Ingles for a period of time and be perfectly happy here. I could have done the same thing in the Camino, when I am in Madrid, that is my life.

The thing is, I don´t undertand this quality about myself. I have rarely thought that I am a loner. I have always considered that I need to have my circle of loved ones close at hand, but now I am starting to wonder is this is a misconception that I had about myself.

In any case, this quality is probably one that will come in handy as I am out wondering around the world.