Searching to see

It´s 6am and I´m up, I´m not partying, I´m not out, I was sleeping, and now I´m up. This hasn´t happened to me in a couple of years, and it´s usually not a good sign. The past few days have been trying at best.

Usually around this time of year the thing which is of most concern to Floridians are hurricanes. My mother has an aversion to hurricanes, but it´s not the lack of electricity or the having to bring the crap into the house which bothers her the most, it´s being locked up with me in the house for two or three days, she calls me her little caged lion. I do OK for the first day or so, and then I´m over it. I start getting crabby, upset, bitchy and all I want to do is go out for a walk no matter how many miles per hour the wind is blowing.

I am in the middle of a hurricane now, except there is no wind, the sun is rising and I´m sitting in the living room in a top-floor flat with all the windows open in a place that has never seen a hurricane... ever. So why do I feel so desperate to get out?

I am not trapped in this apartment, I am free to go at any time, I am not trapped by my circumstances or trapped by people, I am trapped in my head, and if you´ve read my blog at all that´s about the worst place in the world I could be trapped in.

I´m at it again, the thinking, the analysing, the pacing and writing at 6am, truth be told it tends to be a very productive period for me, and I end up losing a ton of weight because I lose my appetite, but it also tends to be pretty crap for my nerves.

I want some peace, I need some perspecive, some space; I need the eye.

During Hurricane Andrew, the scientists at FIU that were studying the storm got a chance to head outside in the middle of the madness when te eye passed. According to what I´ve heard, the eye of a hurricane is a palce of peace, one of complete tranquility and where, except for the debauchery that has already occured, it seems like there is no storm at all.

I am currently goin around and around in circles, caught in the middle of the craziness and I am searching for the eye. A point of clarity and a haven away from what seems to be only craziness. They call it the eye for a reason, maybe it´s because, when you´re in the middle of it you can see things much more clearly. They should probably change the name to the All Seeing Eye of the storm.

Can you imagine? If people throught that there were answers to their deepest queries in the eye on hurricanes we could make a furtune in Florida and the rest of the Carribbean. People would flock from all over the world simply to come and stand in the eye of the storm.

It would be like religion, or the afterlife, a possible answer to questions that plague your existence. We would make a fortune, it would probably solve the lack of tourism problem in South Florida as, due to the high risk and availability fo the situation, we could charge a mint, like going into space!

We must think on this further.