Searching for Acceptance Without Consequence

Sometimes I’ve been asked why it is that I am so understanding. The thing is, I am not naturally an understanding person. I’ve sort of had no choice. You see, in the great scheme of things, love always trumps ideals. You may have this strict code of what you believe to be right or wrong, but I think that loving someone, truly loving them, means you have no choice but to accept them the way that they are and what they do, unless of course you plan on not speaking to them every again.

Sadly, with that acceptance comes a level of demand of your Self. In accepting others – especially loved ones – you have to give something up. Mostly you give up your ideals, your sense of self, you have to, or else you will never be able to reconcile the two ideas. The thing is, if you give too much of yourself up in the name of acceptance, you may reach a point where you are not exactly sure of who you are, where you feel like there is this huge part of you that is missing. How ironic is it that you were probably closer to knowing who you were at 5 years old, at which point you had made no compromises as opposed to a few years later when you had made so many.

I’m exhausted; exhausted of accepting, of tolerance, of not being judgmental. I’m so tired I have to go away and recharge for a while because I can no longer tell what truly comes from me and what is a product of others. I just need time to come back to myself.