Wine & Food With a Side of Punctuation

Menus, food descriptions, packaging labels or any food-related terminology should never, ever contain quotation marks. Quotations should be used for communicating other people’s statements, to aid in sarcasm, witty banter or irony. But quotation marks do not belong anywhere near my food.
For example, while reviewing the events for this year’s Food Network’s South Beach Wine & Food Festival, I saw that one of the New York Times Series’ dinners is titled “Haute Holistic Dinner” (note use of quotation marks). The dinner menu is pretty straight forward, but the welcome reception menu is chock-full of quotations. In most cases, the term used does not mean what it says.
The tuna “truffle” has neither fungi nor chocolate in its midst. The Roasted heirloom beet “tartare” was never alive before it reached the plate. The “Greek salad” has no explanation, so it might very well be a Cypriot. And the “Juice Cocktails” contain no alcohol. For this last item, there were not even any quotations needed as the term cocktail is commonly used figuratively to simply mean a mix of liquids.
From the looks of this menu, I get the feeling that they are not selling holistic haute cuisine as new and wonderful in its own right, but as an impersonation of already existent dishes.
I think we should spend some time thinking upon some excellent names for vegetarian and non-traditional cuisine that could serve to better describe the food, as opposed to what it’s trying to imitate.
But quotations are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to faux culinary nomenclature.
While walking the isles at the supermarket, I find that vegetarian fare tries to mimic other kinds of food that are based around or contain meat by using vocabulary that reminds us of our favorite omnivorous dishes. I just don’t understand why.
I love food. I eat meat. I also have a healthy respect for vegetarians. I dig vegans too, but I keep them at arm’s length, they get too preachy.
I also have a great respect for the myriad of reasons that people choose not to eat meat: animal rights, diet, digestion, etc. This is a group of people that have consciously decided to go against the grain and not take part in something that most other people in the world engage in: eating animals.
Though the term “burger” has become synonymous with all kinds of round sandwiches, the term “veggie burger” gives people the impression that they are eating something that is related to a meaty cousin.
I love beef, and as far an I am concerned, the less cooked it is the better. On the other hand, I’m not a huge fan of poultry; love cold cuts; and pork is only a part-time pastime on Noche Buena. But still, a good chunk of my most delicious culinary experiences did not contain any animal flesh. So obviously, a meal does not require animal in order to be tasty.
That is not to say that there can’t be vegetarian alternatives to the same dish: chicken, beef or vegetable Pad-Thai. This kind of example aside, I think vegetarians are selling their food short.
By giving food a meat-related name - when in reality it contains no meat at all - makes vegetarian fare sound like a second-class citizen, and why would anyone choose to be relegated to side-dish status? Be bold, be broccoli, be an entrée.