Still searching

It’s hard sometimes to realize that things change, childhood is gone, that your parents can’t fix everything, and that it’s really up to you to get through the day in one piece. And then the next day comes, and you forget a little again, because you want to forget, because it’s easier this way, I think we spend all of our adult lives trying to be conscious of the things we have learned and trying to forget them all at the same time.
One day, you have kids, and all of a sudden, it’s assumed that you have all the answers, like you know things that in reality you have no idea about, so, I imagine that you just start piecing together theories that sound good and hope that they make sense, and that you’re not damaging the lives of your progeny. But then, you’re still you, you still have no idea what tomorrow will bring, you’re still human and you still don’t feel like you’ve grown up enough or know enough to answer all the questions that other people have for you.
Do we ever stop feeling like children? When we’re old and wrinkly, don’t we still have insecurities, fears, questions, curiosities, I mean, as we get older, what actually changes about our perspective? Maybe nothing changes except experience, having fallen down enough times to know where our personal and communal potholes are.
Somedays I question how it is that I am allowed to play house, get married, have children (though I’m not there yet) pay bills and have responsibilities, there are days I want to do nothing, a luxury I will have only as long as I don’t’ reproduce.
And still, I wouldn’t go back fifteen years if someone paid me to do so. OK maybe I’d go back 20, and skip the six or so years of adolescence. I was wondering the other day what I would do if I had children, I decided that I would build my children a fort in the living room, made out of sheets and furniture, a place where they could play, dream and imagine life in a different way, the funny thing is that right now, I think that’s all I could offer my children.